Friday, 25 November 2016

I went to Iceland and it was cold, expensive and full of incest

Did you know the majority of people in Iceland have accidentally shagged a sibling? Because I didn't until I just spent the week there while learning all about their weird and wonderful ways of life. I obviously took lots of snaps as the keen #travel #blogger #wanker I apparently have become.

I kid you not though... the population of Iceland is so small there's actually an app to check you're not related to the person you're about to dip your dick in. Like, this is actually a thing. The whole country only has 350,000 people, how fucking mad is that? I can't even find a boyfriend amongst the 60 million people in pre-Brexit Britain. No wonder they're resorting to coupling up with their cousins.

Other things I learnt about Iceland is its proper expensive, they don't have any McDonald's and it's cold as fuck. I had some shrinkage so extreme I was ready to have the world Call Me Caitlyn, if you get my drift? And if you don't, I'm making a joke about my willy falling off. 

If you're not the outdoor type I'd probably give the place a swerve and head to Magaluf or something? The great outdoors beckons from the second you step out of the airport and see the thousands of snow filled mountains and volcanoes that surround. I'm not usually one for getting excited over a view, but I'd happily have bashed one out at some of the stunning vistas this place had to offer. However, as I had my good friend Oliver by my side for the majority of the trip, I kept it in me trousers. 

What else did this country of culture teach me? The Northern Lights is nothing more and nothing less than a flash of green light in the night sky. I hadn't been that disappointed since I arrived at the 'wonder of the world' known as the Grand Canyon. Or as I call it, a big hole with no 4G. 

We also floated around the Blue Lagoon (a geothermal spa heated by surrounding lava field in GrindavĂ­k) as the winter sun rose from the mountains and a light blanket of snow fell from the snow. It was beyond relaxing, extremely refreshing and then daylight broke and the place were filled with every Chinese tourist the country had to offer. Tranquility trumped by selfie stick swinging fellow tourists. We also walked about a lot, climbed some shit and watched that new Harry Potter beast film in the cinema. Not neseccarily the most Icelandic of things to do, but it were nice to get out the cold.

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