Monday, 10 April 2017

Sydney storms, security and stopping seeing yourself as a victim

If you disappeared tomorrow how long would it be until anyone noticed?

Because when you're solo travelling around, going with the flow and rarely even sure where in the world you are, chances are it'd be a while. Which is a terrifying thought, isn't it? Unless you're staying in a villa in Portugal and vanished while your twin siblings slept beside you, obviously. Then you'd be all over the Mail Online in a matter of minutes as your parents force out a few tears while clutching your cuddle cat for the cameras. Slightly inappropriate banter.

Despite meeting so many people and making lots of new friends, as soon as you board that flight from home you're essentially on your own. Some flourish in these circumstances, some jump on the first flight back and some simply crave a little more stability and security.

Which is what prompted me to shoot over to Sydney and move in with a very good mate of mine for a while. Something I didn't think I'd be doing.

He's lovely enough to be sharing his home while I get myself set up and I feel like I'm starting to plant roots in a city that could potentially become my permanent home? A thought that scares the shit out of me.

As I look to the future, I spent the first couple of weeks churning out reason after reason why I shouldn't stay here. Why I'm not worthy of this lovely life. To the extent of I don't actually recall the last time I managed a full nights sleep. I close my eye's each evening content and then spend the following hours until the sun breaks fighting the voice inside telling me to fuck this place off and fly. My ability to dream defeated by the depths my mind dares to drop. The dark of the night becoming lonelier by the day.

What I've started to realise now is there's only so long you can continue seeing yourself as a victim and letting the past drag you down.

Something shit has happened to every single one of us. That's life. Maybe even lots of shit things have happened to you? Depression, death, disaster, deceit, even getting dumped. Whatever it may be, we all feel despair at some point, we all have our demons and we're all doomed in one way or another. Again, that's life.

So my new mentality: shut the fuck and just get on with it.

I'm as guilty as most when it comes to this. It's easier to make excuses why you can't do something, shouldn't do something or won't do something than to actually do it. But ultimately its you you're making the excuses for and nobody else. Life is going to move on regardless. So try not to get left behind while hiding away, yeah?

It was a good friend of mine back in Manchester that started to inspire this change. I won't disclose the details, but he took a tragedy that many would let take over and used it to transform his way of thinking. And talking to him now and seeing a happiness returning certainly puts things into perspective.

What else is new, you probably aren't wondering?

Well, since you asked... the weather has been more hit and miss than Manchester. It'll go from 30 degrees and sunshine to end of the world style shit in the blink of an eye and I kinda like it. Miserable, memorable and makes you feel alive.

I also bought a bicycle that keeps breaking and there's been a bit of romance going on with an Australian man named William who I've been talking to for a while now and finally met. But we'll save that story for a rainy day. And there's enough of them at the minute so brace yourselves.

Until next time though my friends, here's some final words of potential wisdom: buy Sign Of The Times on iTune.